Life, as it goes.

If there is anything that induces infernal boredom in my mind it is attending weddings in the family. They said that I would change my opinion the day I got married but no, I still find weddings boring and I just attended the most boring one... mine. Yup got married last week. Just managed to get married somehow.

Families were not agreeing on various things. My father with his head held high went and told the in-laws to go take a walk when they mentioned a baraat of 1000 people. Let me explain how things work in gujjus, especially nagars. Weddings are simple and there is no absolutely no question of dowry. In fact its the guy's side who gives the girl gifts which can also be done with by giving a rupee coin and a coconut. Rupyo ne nariyel it is called. But off late as per the current trends of show off and competition of fancy weddings, grandeur is more important than traditions.

In all this nobody really considers the feelings of those who are getting married. My sister gave me worldly advice,

"Shut up and do as elders tell you to. Nobody is asking for your opinion." she told me when I argued that we need not give sarees to all the women in R's family.
"But its my wedding. I get to decide who gets what." I argued back.
"No you don't. Stop being so ... so ... dominating. You have always been like this. So know-it-all ..." she shouted.
"Arre, but ..." I was about to yell back when I saw my mother's terrified face. After 29 years of having two daughters I don't think she could take more of this, so I shut up. But only for a while.

Finally, I drilled some sense into my father. He was worried. The costs going into lakhs even if we did it simply. R's parents insisting on a big wedding and lots of guests whom we were supposed to feed.

"Papa, if they act up, tell them I don't want to marry their son." I said with a straight face. I had also told R in clear words the very same thing.
"I won't say any such thing." Papa said.
"You will say it but nicely. They have no right to exploit my family just because they are the boy's parents." I was getting into my gender banter mode.

Anyway though Papa had not accepted my suggestion then, something R's father said pissed him off. He has not yet told me what that was but he cliched the deal at 400 guests. So we would pay for our guests + 400 of theirs and if they had more, they would pay for it. It was almost like a business negotiation. I would have loved to be the fly on the wall when my parents were doing the dealing. So all was finalised, the marraige hall deposit paid, menus decided, gifts selected, cards printed, the works.

Though I was fretting over the expenses, by current standards of weddings, mine would have been way way simple. No band baja, no ghodi, no doli, no crackers, no fancy garba function, no separate reception and just one meal for the guests. My sister's was fancier actually but then she wanted it that way. Here I was counting ever rupee spent on the gifts, being mean and miserly and saying no to every suggestion that Mom made for gifts.

"Let me give you a kitchen set?"
"No."
"A wardrobe?"
"No."
"Jewellery?"
"No."
"Food processor?"
"Who will use it? R?"
"A honeymoon package?"
"No, no leaves left."
"Then what do you want?"
"Your books."
"No, I won't give that."
"Then let it be."

R was fighting his own battles. His family forcing him to force me to force my parents to have a separate pre-wedding functions. Constantly comparing his wedding with his brother's and making it clear that his was going to be much simpler and it wasn't acceptable. He thankfully and admirably stuck to his guns. By 9th, I was really having second thoughts and didn't want to go through all this. On 10th, God gave me an escape route. A sad situation as such but provided me a chance to get out of a wedding function which was becoming exceedingly horrendously garish for my standards.

R's relative had a sudden kidney failure. He was serious. He was very close to the family almost like his grandfather. R's father came home to talk to Papa. He was apologetic, we need to postpone. The astrologer was summoned for advice. Mom subtly suggested to him in private on my prodding, an additional dakshina if he adviced against postponing. Some money had been spent but the 400 guests could still be avoided, I had also asked most shopkeepers to accept our purchases back if required. The astrologer saved the day, no other date is anukool for the couple. They have to be married on January 16th.

So we did it. As simply as I had always wanted it. Without a crowed of useless strangers who just came for the food. Without the exmaining eyes of the aunties who would later comment on what was wrong with my make-up, jewellery, hairstyle etc. Without a throng of people passing in front of my eyes like a boring C grade film in which one scene had no connection with other. Without having to say hello or bow in respect to every creepy uncle and ugly aunty as if I loved them with all my heart simply because they were acquainted with R. Without the humiliating irritation of standing on a stage and being the subject of everyone's attention not because of me being me but because of me being married.

But even without all that it was boring. The ceremony went on and on. Most of the time I had to be attentive to what the priest was saying, "Take the water in the left hand, pour it down, the the rice, put it in the fire, place your hand on the groom's hand, remove it, feed him the sweet with your right hand, change seats come to the left, walk around the fire, change sequence, you come first now ..." Never have I taken so many orders. Sometimes it was hard to keep up, at times I was not sure whom he was adressing R or me. The only time I realised that all was over when the sindoor business happened. Some of it fell in my eye and it burnt like hell.

So now I am married. What's the difference? nothing really. Am back to work, no honeymoon because we just holidayed last month. Interesting vidaii though. Inspite of the practiced approach of pragmatism, I cried. Mom stood next to me and told my maasi. "Chalo, I win, give me my 500 bucks." They had actually bet on my crying and even if they hadn't the remark was enough to make me laugh.